I distinctly remember walking out of a doctor’s office, a piece of paper in my hand and wondering now what? I have this diagnosis for my child, which I honestly expected to get, but now it’s real. There’s an attached recommendations sheet with so many things. Where do I even start?
Do I just call every office? Do I post on my mom’s group to see if I can find a community? Do I google? I know the doctor said not to google. Do I need to go buy a shirt saying I’m a proud ___ mom? Do I cry, because I want to cry.
Your brain feels like this picture- you could go in so many directions but where do you start?
Here is my very non-specific advice, but it’s what I would tell any parent to do:
1. Take a breath. Giving yourself a day, or a week, to feel and process what just happened will do more than tackling that list on empty and confused. Do something that let’s you release energy and emotions (massage, walk, coffee with friend, gym session). Then find connection with at least one person. Maybe you aren’t ready to tell everyone, but tell one person so that if you need to, that can be the person you text when you are overwhelmed.
2. Think about your family’s priorities. What makes the most sense for your family? What will have the most impact for your family? This could mean taking that recommendations list and ranking them. This may also mean talking to someone (like a parent coach, specialist, family navigator) to understand what this diagnosis means for your family.
3. Do one thing. Make one phone call, e-mail one person. Set aside a very specific amount of time in your day or week and tackle that one thing. Once the one thing is done, tackle the next thing. Don’t make a long list and try to do it all.
4. Find support. This may be the friend you connected with on step one or might be a support group for parents like you. This can be virtual or in person, but find support. It makes you feel less like an island and more like part of a community.
5. Plan for something fun! We all do better when we have something to look forward to. Maybe that’s a vacation with your child, or by yourself. Maybe it’s a family item like a pool or video game system. Maybe it’s just lunch at that restaurant you love.
Your child needs you to be the best parent you can which means you have to take care of yourself. So, where do I start? You start with you!
If you need help, that’s what I’m here for and would love to work with you to prioritize your family’s needs!